I don’t like cats. No. Never did. Oh, their cute when their tiny tiny kittens. But as they grow older they get that look. “I don’t need you”. 

I lived with some friend for a while and they had a cat, scan that? They. Had a cat. I had gone out and did some food shopping. I put the bags down and went to take a shit, when I got back the cat, that damn cat, had torn open and was eating a chicken I had gotten for dinner. When I came in the cat didn’t even stop, just looked at me as if too say, “yeah, what are you doing to go about it”? I was so pissed off I gripped the cat by the neck and stared into his eyes. They say that animal know when danger is coming. Believe me, this cat knew. I didn’t know what to do. Throw it out the window? Hmm, no, we’re on the third floor and besides the neighbors would see. Microwave. No, too messy. I ended up throwing the cat into the freezer. I turned on the TV and was about ¾ of the way through Mattlock when the cat stopped making noise. I started to get worried. The cat wasn’t mine and my friends would be home soon. Shit. What if the cat had had a little kitty cat heart attack? Shit. I opened the door to the freezer and looked inside. The cat looked back. I went to pull the cat out and I found that I couldn’t. The cat and I looked at each other with a “What the Fuck.” Look. The cat was very much alive but the heat from its feet has melted the ice on the floor of the freezer and now the cat’s feet were frozen into the ice.  

The cat and I looked at each other for about 3 seconds and then we both begin to scream! Shit! Shit! Shit! What do I do? My friends will be home soon. I had to get this cat out of there fast. Can’t cut off his feet, it would leave traces. So I started heating up water in the microwave to melt the ice around his feet. I finally got the cat free about 10 minutes before my friends got home. I’ll tell you one thing through, the cat never, ever got into the groceries again.