Once upon a time, or maybe twice, (we're really not too sure about that), there was a land that was somewhere else. As far away as a dream and as close as a smile. For you see, this land was found in the clouds. Because (as we all know), every dream has a little bit of a cloud in it, to make it light enough to float into our heads. In fact this is where the Night Mares and Day Mares get the things they need for their dreams. (You can learn all about Night Mares and Day Mares in Lisa's Story(tm). And for most people, that's enough.

But there was a lovely girl one time, (this may have been another once upon a time, but then that would give us two, and you can only have one once upon a time at a time.) This girl's name was Lisa. So that everytime she would go to her dreams, this realm would become LisaLand, a very pretty place. Now in LisaLand anything could happen, just like in a dream. So her land was populated with many special people and animals, for Lisa loved animals and most people.

She had friends about her such as the fairy's, happy little creatures that would fly around her and sing and laugh, and tell jokes that were so bad, they were funny. Even if they weren't that funny, Lisa would laugh for being the kind soul that she was, she never wanted to hurt their feelings by not laughing.

There were centaurs (people who were half people and half horse), (Lisa like all girls everywhere loved horses), and elves, (who were little people about 4 feet tall, that could whistle magic notes, sometimes two and four at a time, but never three), and Giants that stood so tall you could only see their knees, unless they were invisible, then you could only see their footprints.

Of course, like dreams, not everything was good there was also goblins, who were only 4 feet tall also, but who were twisted and ugly, and would never look you in the eye. And there were demons, who could be bad, but mostly were bored and would tease people for something to do.

And the flowers oh so many flowers. Some you had to be careful with. Like the Bindweed, if you get too close to it your clothes would get tight around your joints. And next to it was Knotweed which was even worse. There was Butterweed, Milkweed and Candytuft, you could make a meal out of just those three if you had too. There was also a thyme place so that Lisa was always on time. There was also a dogwood tree, if you put your ear near them you can hear them barking softly, but don't get too close, you don't want to rub up against their bark, which is worse then their bite.

There were Cattails that would hiss at you if you got too close. Pussytoes that would creep away quietly, Dragonheads that would roar at you. Some of the plants were very helpful around the house, like the Pincushion, Thimbleberry and Hemlock. Hemlock was used so much to keep skirts from unraveling. And so many more like Wallflowers, BugWeed, Cheatgrass, Choke Cherry, Sagebrush and stinkweed. There was just too many to list!

One day Lisa was walking around the flower garden when she came upon a large ant hill, it was the biggest ant hill Lisa had ever seen, almost a giAnt hill, there was all kinds of ants coming in and out. There were defendAnts, accountAnts, Lisa like to see all of them that she could, for she wanted to know all of them but she wasn't very conversAnt with them. Maybe it wasn't importAnt to know that all, was it really relevAnt? Lisa wasn't sure but was too nice not to notice.

It was such a nice place when Lisa was dreaming of course, when Lisa was awake, LisaLand was quiet, almost is if it was in waiting, for Lisa to come back. And you now what, maybe it was.

Now, at the same time that this story is taking place there is a another story going on also. It seems that there was this young man named Allen. Now Allen was a very nice young man, but somewhat clumsy and too bright. But he had a good heart and would try never to hurt anyone. Allen work for a company called I.B.M. Infernal Business Machines. His job was to test all the computers before they went to people to stay with them. Most people don't realize that computer are pretty stupid, they could only do what you told them to do. And most of them are happy to just that, helping out the people who own them.

Well, it seems that this one computer was bought by a very mean man, much like a goblin, I wouldn't say that this may was evil, but he was so very close to it, that if he had said one more #### or maybe just one more ****** or even two @@@@@@ he would have been evil, but he managed to just stay that far away. He was having trouble with the computer that he had bought and he had brought it back to the store. Now Allen was always very careful to check every computer very well before it left the store. But the customer was always right, that's was the store owner always said. Well, really, the store owner would say, "The customer isn't always right, but he's always the customer" which made about the same sense.

When Allen opened up that machine to look inside he found out what the problem was, the man had opened up the computer and tried to fix it himself! Allen could see what the problem had been, one of the boards was loose and could have been fixed by the man if he had just called. Or Allen would have been happy to come to his house and fix it for nothing. (At least for the first 90 days, after that it would have been at 9.95 per quarter-hour). But Allen couldn't believe what he found inside that machine.

Wires had been cut and then taped back together, (some of them to the wrong each others), One of the memory chips was broken right in half. The hard drive made a funny UGH-UGH sound and there was even part of a tuna fish sandwich under the power supply, ( but it did keep the sandwich nice and warm. But it had too much dressing for Allen's taste.)

Allen tried to fix it. He fixed what he could, replaced all the rest and even though the machine would work, it never really worked quite right. Allen not being too bright thought that something was broken somewhere inside that machine that he couldn't see, and he was almost right. What had really happened was that mean man yelled and yelled and said so many ####'s and so many ******'s, but luckily only said one @@@@@@, (if he had said two, that would have been the end of that poor machine), that the machine was cursed! And no matter all the things that Allen did to fix it, he couldn't get rid of the curse. Even having a good heart and never wanting to hurt anyone wasn't good enough.

Allen was all set to drop the machine into the sea, but just as he was loading it into the truck, his Boss came out and got it. Allen said," What are you doing with that?" The Boss replied, "I have a lovely little girl out here who is computer-innocent and I'm going to sell her this machine." "What!" Allen cried "This machine is no good, she'll have to keep putting money into it and even then it will never truly work right"

"I know", The Boss said, "But as she is a computer-innocent, she will never know that it is bad and just think that it's her own fault!" Allen was shocked and appalled at this but no matter how much he tried to talk the Boss out of it, the Boss went ahead and sold that computer to the girl named Lisa. It seems that Boss was also somewhat like a goblin. Allen knew that he could no longer work for the Boss, so he quit the job he loved working with computers. But just before he left, he changed the numbers on the delivery address for that computer so that it would get lost on the way to Lisa's house and the store would have to give her a new, different machine.

And with that, Allen walked out of this story. (but don't worry, we may see him again.)

But unknown to Allen the damage had already been done, the curse was laid down at the moment Lisa gave the Boss her money. So it turned out that Lisa had to wait and wait for her computer to show up. It finely got to her after going to two or three other addresses, but that's not a tale to tell here. (Maybe in Lisa's Next Next Story (tm)).

So the day her new(?) computer arrived Lisa was so happy. She sang, she smiled at the wallpaper, (which brighten up), she sang to her birds who sang back, (but in bird-talk, so Lisa didn't hear the three-part harmonies), She sang to the dog, (who just kept chewing on her shoe). She get it all set up but it did take her a little time as she truly was a computer-innocent. Soon she had it up and running. It didn't really run to well, but with being innocent with computers as she was, she didn't know any better.

At first the curse working in little ways, the screen would make funny looking patterns, or the sound wouldn't work when she thought it should. Parts had to be replaced. And the longer she keep working with it. The more deeply the curse worked it's way into her life, until one day when she fall asleep at the keyboard. (luckily it was a short distance so she wasn't hurt by the fall).
It was at that moment the computer entered into her dreams.

Lisa started having a dream, she was walking along in LisaLand when she spotted a cave that she had never seen before. She wasn't worried as the ground around her was still white. (Since dreams have some cloud in them, you can tell if a dream is a good dream or a bad dream by looking at the ground). So she walked into the cave hoping to meet a new friend.

But what she saw in the cave looked like her computer! Well, somewhat like her computer, it's screen was somewhat larger, and the machine it self looked to be made out of tin and lead. Lisa walked up to the machine.

On the screen the words WELCOME, LISA appeared. Not seeing any keyboard, Lisa said "Hello, computer" The words on the screen blanked and was replaced with MY NAME IS CON-PWETER
"Oh," Lisa said, "You look somewhat like my computer at home."

I AM BASED ON THAT COMPUTER appeared on the screen, JUST AS YOU CAME IN THROUGH IN A DREAM, SO DID I, WHEN YOU FELL ASLEEP AT THE KEYBOARD

Lisa thought for a moment then asked with a little sound of hope, "Does that mean you will work properly all the time here?" The screen blanked once again, then...YES, BUT NOT FOR YOU, I AM HERE TO TAKE OVER THIS WORLD. I HAVE THE ABILITY TO CHANGE REALITY WITHIN THIS CAVE. Lisa looked at the CON-PEWTER and said "Pooh! I've never heard of such a thing." And with that she set her pretty face into frown mode and started to walk out.
On the screen appeared the words. LISA CHANGES HER MIND. "Then again, maybe I'll stay and chat with you awhile!" Lisa said, discovering that his mind had indeed been changed. Lisa could see that this wasn't getting her anywhere.

BUT I AM A FAIR MACHINE, DUE TO A NUMBER OF CHANGES A TECH NAME ALLEN MADE TO ME. $$%^^&##$% TO HIM. SO WE WILL ASK EACH OTHER RIDDLE, the screen went blank as it was getting full of letters, in fact, Lisa could see the S that should have been on the end of RIDDLE. The the screen started up again. THE FIRST ONE TO STUMP THE OTHER WINS. YOU, YOUR FREEDOM, MYSELF, YOU AS A SLAVE FOREVER.

Lisa did not like this! But it seemed as if she had no choice. "It seems as if I have no choice," Lisa sighed, "Ask me your riddle." The screen cleared and then printed...

I AM HEARD, YET I CANNOT BE SEEN;
I AM FELT, YET I CANNOT BE TOUCHED
I AM EVERYWHERE, BUT NOT ALWAYS MOVING.
I MOVE A GREAT DEAL, YET I NEVER SEE TO GO ANYWHERE.

WHAT AM I?

Lisa thought and thought, she thought so hard that her head started to get hot, and the flower that she had put in her hair had started to wilt. At first she thought that the answer would be CON-PEWTER itself since it seemed to think so much of itself. But that didn't seem right as she could see and touch it.

CON-PEWTER just sat there, with a number that changed every minute...1,2,3,4,5. There was no time limit as he had the never-ending panicle of the inanimate. But Lisa wanted out of there. She filled her cheeks up and blow out a long sigh. With that CON-PEWTER cleared his screen and printed THAT IS CORRECT: AIR. Lisa had unknowing gotten it right. Whew!

Now is was Lisa's turn, she had never really been very good at these things, (she was innocent in many ways), but she had gotten an idea from CON-PEWTER itself. So thinking hard, she said..

The beginning of eternity,
The end of time and space.
The start of every ending,
The end of every place.
What am I?

Since the CON-PEWTER had no real idea of what time meant to the animate she hoped to win this way. Once again, CON-PEWTER started with the numbers on the screen. When it had gotten up to 1,024, Lisa started on the second part of her plan. "Um, CON-PEWTER?" The screen split into two halves, one half showing the numbers, the second have printing WHAT? I'M A LITTLE BUSY HERE. "Well," Lisa said, "I didn't eat today, while you're thinking could I go out to my garden and get something to eat?" WHAT TYPE OF FOOL DO YOU TAKE ME FOR, HERE, HAVE YOUR MEAL.

Lisa heard a sound behind her and turning she saw her garden in the cave behind her. Her plan was working great! CON-PEWTER went back to a full screen for the numbers. Lisa started walking thought her garden, picking flowers at seemly random.

She used the Butterweed, Milkweed and Candytuft to make a meal and then went on walking through the garden hoping that CON-PEWTER wasn't paying too much attention. The numbers on the screen were now up to 4,036. Lisa had what she needed. She walked back to the machine and said, "CON-PEWTER, you have had quite some time are you ready to answer?" CON-PEWTER replayed I AM STILL THINKING, WE NEVER SET UP A TIME LIMIT FOR THE GAME SO YOU MUCH WAIT UNTIL I AM FINISHED.

With this Lisa stamped her pretty little foot. Suddenly a bright lightbulb went on over her head for Lisa had had another idea! She reached up, unscrewed the light bulb and said "You're cheating, since you're inanimate you can think forever and keep me here." CURSES, FOILED AGAIN! appeared on the screen. THAT IS TRUE, AND BY THIS ACT I AM NOW TRULY EVIL HA HA HA HA YOU WILL BE HERE FOR EVER!

Lisa walked up to the screen and said "I think not" She held up her hand with the finger and thumb pinched together. Bringing her hand down onto the top of the machine she yelled, "Have some Bugweed!"

The screen went crazy. A VIRUS! NONONONONON ran across the screen, characters and symbols flowed across it in weird patterns. Then Then words GENERAL SYSTEM FAILURE appeared. Then the letters fell from the words and collected in a pile at the bottom of the screen. The screen faded into black.

Lisa woke up and stared at her computer. The screen was blank and the machine itself won't come on. She boxed it up that night and took it back to the Boss and made him give back her money. She then went over to Macintosh R us where she met Allen. She and he chatted for quite a while, then later that night Allen came over to help her set up her brand-new Macintosh. They talked for quite a while and what happened to them will be covered in Memories of the Mac ( tm) or When a good computer gets even gooder. (tm)
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